Saturday, September 8, 2012

Who Wears Short Shorts? (A F*** You to Long Shorts and Unshaven Legs)

People who actually care about how awesome they look! Take this picture of Fabulous Cancellara to the right for example, how is he supposed to show off those gems if his shorts go all the way down to his knees? I think there should be a rule in place regarding the length of ones shorts (in the summer of course). It should state that the length of your shorts should cover 2/3 of your thighs. Covering only 1/2 of your thighs makes you look like you're wearing chicks shorts (or girls shorts if you're a dude). Cover more than 2/3 and you look like you're trying to hard to cover up. Expose your legs with pride! It took long enough to get them to the point that they're at where they look freaking awesome, why not show them off? Oh yea, and shaving your legs is a given. If you don't shave your legs its like covering up the mona fucking lisa with fog. Everyone can get the idea of whats behind the fog but once it clears out you see the true masterpiece.
Now those (in the picture to the left) are a pair of perfectly shaved legs with a perfect short length courtesy of none other than one of our favorite companies, Rapha (more on them later).  Now we will throw someone under the bus even though he has a pair of awesome sideburns... Wiggo, I'm calling you out!!Your shorts look like they go all the way down to your freaking knees. How the hell do you spend 200km in those things day in and day out? You should be fined for crimes against the rules. I'm pretty sure that none of the greats (Lance not included, he's a penis wrinkle) like Merckx, Indurain, or Coppi covered up their pride and joy quite like you. We (cyclists) easily have the best legs of any sport and you take the liberty of making a mockery of them by having awkwardly long shorts. But hey, at least you shave them. Although it would be weird to one day find someone in the pro peloton that doesn't shave their legs. That would just be disrespectful to our forefathers and THE RULES
Oh Wiggo... We actually thought you were stylish... We still like you but please do something about those shorts... They're so awkward. Like pre-pubecent teenagers.

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